Her birth can only be described as perfect. So many answered prayers. The beautiful light coming through the window, the peaceful push as I caught her, the endless support of those around me. What a beautiful way she entered this world, surrounded by those who love her and had been waiting for her.
It was early morning around 3am and like many mornings before this, I woke to contractions. This had happened for weeks but unable to fall back asleep, I decided to time them. They were irregular and mild but after an hour I couldn’t go back to sleep so I got up, made myself some eggs and toast, drank some water, picked up around the house, took a bath and laid back down on the couch and started drifting between them.
Kellon came and woke me up because he needed to get ready for work. I told him that I’d been having regular contractions for a few hours but that they were still mild and not painful and he should go on to work. He reluctantly went to work, I made the kids breakfast and we hung out for a bit but not too long after, my sister came to get them so I could rest and focus.
I had been talking to Kimberly, my midwife but didn’t want her to make the drive out too early because I felt like we had awhile to go and I didn’t want anyone waiting around for me. She told me if I needed her or my contractions got stronger, I should have her come because she had about an hour drive to get to my house. She made me feel so comfortable even before she was with me.
Only a few hours later Kellon came home because my contractions were closer together and he wanted to be a part of the labor process with me. We were able to enjoy a few hours together alone. I’m so glad because this was my favorite part of my labor; just hanging out with him. He set up the birth pool, we had lunch, we laughed and I’d just stop to breathe through my contractions and then go back to enjoying our time together.
Around 1130am we went for a walk. It was a short walk because soon after we started I felt baby move down and started feeling pressure. I told Kellon to call Kimberly to come. I felt like we had a long time to go because my contractions were not painful and still felt like early labor, but the pressure is what made me think it could be sooner. When we were back inside I texted our photographer and my friend Jamie to come. My dad made his way home from work to keep my kids so my mom and sister could come and around 1pm everyone got to my house. When everyone arrived I was still feeling energetic and excited! I felt like I could greet everyone but when I had a contraction I had to go inside myself, breath deep and focus on the release. I was also feeling the need to squat during them. My contractions still did not feel painful.
Soon after everyone arrived I felt a shift in myself. My contractions were stronger and I was tired. I wanted to rest between them. I went and had a few contractions on the toilet and started feeling like I wanted to bear down (kinda pushy).
Right before 2pm I asked Kimberly to check me because I wanted to get in the birth pool and didn’t want to get in too early. When I had AJ and started feeling this way I was at 5cm and stalled there for many hours so I wanted to know where I was when I started to feel pushy this time. Kimberly checked me and I was 5cm but very effaced. I felt a little discouraged but this time I didn’t have anyone around me telling me to fight against what my body was telling me. I trusted that even though I was only a 5, my body knew what it was doing and with each contraction I allowed my body to bear down with the contractions. Transition hit and with each contraction baby came down fast. This was the only part of my labor I would have said was painful. It was crazy intense but I had so many words of encouragement coming to me telling me to keep my breathing steady. I let my body do what it felt like it needed to do, reminding myself with each contraction to surrender.
At one point I looked over at Kellon and said, “never mind, we don’t need another baby. I’m good.” We all laughed!
My mom asked my midwife, “when do you know to tell her when to push?” My midwife told her, “I don’t.” She knew my body already knew, she wouldn’t need to tell me.
Around 230pm I wanted to get in the birth pool. I was ready to push. The water immediately helped me feel calm and transition shifted into pushing. The pain went away and waves came steadily telling my body to push. This part was hard but I loved it. I knew my baby was coming and I could feel them slowly make their way into the world. After pushing baby down, between contractions I asked Kellon if he wanted to feel the head. He reached down and got to feel baby with me. I loved that moment.
250pm A few more pushes and with the help of my midwife, I caught my own baby and pulled them up to my chest.
Once I came back to earth I asked Kellon if he wanted to look and see what we have. He looked and told me, “it’s a girl.” “it’s a girl.” Cue tears.
My momma got to cut Joella’s cord, which was such a sweet moment for us. Then Kellon got to hold his daughter for the first time.
While Kellon was holding our baby girl and getting to meet her, I was climbing into our bed. I cannot tell you how amazing it feels to be in my own bed after giving birth.
After spending some time with Joella in our bed, I went to shower and my family brought Isaiah and Adelaide home to meet their baby sister. Isaiah was shy with all the people in our home and the emotional atmosphere. AJ was so in love and wanted to hold Joella and never let her go.
My home birth experience was incredible. All the love and support around me while Joella came into the world, the calm of being in my own space and in control of the decisions made for my birth, it was what I dreamed of. Even the things that were not perfect just made it more perfect. I am so grateful for this experience and those around me. I brought my daughter into the world at home, safely and on my own terms. Thank you Jesus for this gift!
All images by Dani Brewer